She sat down and, for the first time in weeks, seemed very excited to be in my office. Then began the report of a significant change of mindset. From thinking her whole life that she needed "other people" to change in order for her to be happy to realizing that she could control and change her reactions to others instead. She felt very empowered by taking responsibility for her own actions and becoming less "dependent" on others.
This idea had previously created an assumption that self blame and self criticism would replace blaming and being critical of others. But now she could see her life situations more rationally and realized it was not about all that. Nothing had to change about her toxic work environment or her moody / substance abusing boyfriend.
Her family did not need to become more supportive. Now, changes in all those areas would have been great, but she had been waiting on external circumstances change for a long time. And the result was frustration, disappointment and pain.
Taking responsibility for her "reactions" to all this gave her more choices. Options. More self control of her life experience. More successful outcomes. More "letting go" of what she could not control. No more feeling like a victim. Less of the primitive "fight or flight" options that stress creates. She said "I feel like a grown up!". Not bad for a 40 year old. And people noticed. Her friend asked "new medicine or new boyfriend?" She said, "no, just an emerging new me".
In fact she soon discontinued, with help from her doctor, her multiple psychiatric medicines, stopped talking with her now ex-boyfriend, and accepted an offer for a new job in another state, not as a running away this time but as a moving toward the life she had begun to envision. And in her free time she was now off the couch and "out and about" with her new camera.
This idea had previously created an assumption that self blame and self criticism would replace blaming and being critical of others. But now she could see her life situations more rationally and realized it was not about all that. Nothing had to change about her toxic work environment or her moody / substance abusing boyfriend.
Her family did not need to become more supportive. Now, changes in all those areas would have been great, but she had been waiting on external circumstances change for a long time. And the result was frustration, disappointment and pain.
Taking responsibility for her "reactions" to all this gave her more choices. Options. More self control of her life experience. More successful outcomes. More "letting go" of what she could not control. No more feeling like a victim. Less of the primitive "fight or flight" options that stress creates. She said "I feel like a grown up!". Not bad for a 40 year old. And people noticed. Her friend asked "new medicine or new boyfriend?" She said, "no, just an emerging new me".
In fact she soon discontinued, with help from her doctor, her multiple psychiatric medicines, stopped talking with her now ex-boyfriend, and accepted an offer for a new job in another state, not as a running away this time but as a moving toward the life she had begun to envision. And in her free time she was now off the couch and "out and about" with her new camera.
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