I have written about the sometimes extreme difference between focusing your attention and efforts on things you can not control vs what you can control. Seeing people make that shift was impressive in how much less stress they experienced and how much more empowered they felt.
But, looking back over the years and hundreds of sessions, a primary reason people felt so disempowered and stressed is that the problems they were confronted with were not "chosen". Having to find a way to cope was made very difficult because these problems, illnesses, life changes and traumas were "forced" on them. They were not wanted. Were not voluntary. The consequences were often devastating. In the beginning, and sometimes for a long time, forced "adjustments" rarely feel very good or satisfying. And the resulting reality is usually engaged with very reluctantly.
I know there are some who believe in the philosophy of free will and that "things happen for a reason". That we create our own reality. But that is often just a mindset that offers the "illusion of control". For most it is after adjustments have been made that we go about looking for how to "make the best of it" or find some "positives". But tragedies offer few positives, just the rather humbling awareness that security can be fleeting and that, in truth, life is hard. That it takes a lot of effort to have as much as possible under your control. That tomorrow things could change without your permission. No one escapes, it happens to us all, so at least do not take it personally.
But, looking back over the years and hundreds of sessions, a primary reason people felt so disempowered and stressed is that the problems they were confronted with were not "chosen". Having to find a way to cope was made very difficult because these problems, illnesses, life changes and traumas were "forced" on them. They were not wanted. Were not voluntary. The consequences were often devastating. In the beginning, and sometimes for a long time, forced "adjustments" rarely feel very good or satisfying. And the resulting reality is usually engaged with very reluctantly.
I know there are some who believe in the philosophy of free will and that "things happen for a reason". That we create our own reality. But that is often just a mindset that offers the "illusion of control". For most it is after adjustments have been made that we go about looking for how to "make the best of it" or find some "positives". But tragedies offer few positives, just the rather humbling awareness that security can be fleeting and that, in truth, life is hard. That it takes a lot of effort to have as much as possible under your control. That tomorrow things could change without your permission. No one escapes, it happens to us all, so at least do not take it personally.
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