Throughout life there are times for reflecting and planning forward, especially toward the end of one stage of life and the beginning of the next. This is a natural process and often contains self-critical elements of “woulda-coulda-shoulda”. These reflections can be a really painful punch in the gut. When awareness like this comes suddenly, it can be a bit shocking and suck all the air out of our self esteem. Learning to think it through however, and balance regrets with objective facts and then appreciations and positives, provides a more comprehensive view and assessment of ourselves and our lives.
You see, over time life also teaches us many things about ourselves. Our strengths and weaknesses. Where we excel and where we fail. We can also intentionally seek out this information. Have you ever researched your Personality Type? Studied the Myers Briggs Personality Inventory? This is something I think everyone and certainly every couple would find interesting, difficult and beneficial. It can even be like seeing a photograph of yourself and thinking “that is not how I look” but indeed it is.
This year a regular insight has been pounding on me. My reluctance to say NO. I can think back now and see occasions where, if I had only said NO, my life and the lives of those I care about might be quite different. No guarantee it would be better, but I think it would be. Studying personality I am reminded that my priority is harmony over conflict. Pleasing others instead of being firmer and tolerating short term conflict. I wish I had been more aware of, and focused on, what I wanted and willing to assert my preferences.
There are of course many benefits and other relationally positive consequences to this way of making decisions. But I deeply regret some very important moments when if I had only said NO, and been more comfortable with conflict, things would be much different and I think much better now. Woulda-coulda-shoulda.
You see, over time life also teaches us many things about ourselves. Our strengths and weaknesses. Where we excel and where we fail. We can also intentionally seek out this information. Have you ever researched your Personality Type? Studied the Myers Briggs Personality Inventory? This is something I think everyone and certainly every couple would find interesting, difficult and beneficial. It can even be like seeing a photograph of yourself and thinking “that is not how I look” but indeed it is.
This year a regular insight has been pounding on me. My reluctance to say NO. I can think back now and see occasions where, if I had only said NO, my life and the lives of those I care about might be quite different. No guarantee it would be better, but I think it would be. Studying personality I am reminded that my priority is harmony over conflict. Pleasing others instead of being firmer and tolerating short term conflict. I wish I had been more aware of, and focused on, what I wanted and willing to assert my preferences.
There are of course many benefits and other relationally positive consequences to this way of making decisions. But I deeply regret some very important moments when if I had only said NO, and been more comfortable with conflict, things would be much different and I think much better now. Woulda-coulda-shoulda.
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