down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather
than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve,
they find a way to rise from the ashes. Psychologists have
identified some of the factors that make someone resilient,
among them a positive attitude, optimism, the ability to regulate emotions, and the ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Even after misfortune, resilient people are blessed with such an outlook that they are able to change course and soldier on.
As I read this description / definition I realize it is in line with many other definitions of resilience and what it takes to cope better with life’s ups and downs, with tragedy or loss or setbacks. But in identifying traits of people already resilient, I do not think it really gets to the heart of it. What really makes a difference.
So when a client asked me about how to become more resilient, “stronger”, I told them they would have to be more flexible, not tougher. Which trees withstand strong winds the best, the ones that bend, not necessarily the ones with thicker or stronger structure.
When change is forced on us, we resist and cling tightly to status quo, what we are used to and comfortable with. The familiar. We naturally grieve what is lost, as we should to be healthy. But then we adapt and embrace change and move into the ‘new normal’. If we do not, then the act of resistance begins to burn up energy, tire us out and wear us down.
To truly be resilient, we must practice flexibility, adapt to and embrace change, and actively participate in the new normal which is our life at that time. Consider yoga instead of weight lifting. Don't look to spring back, sprig forward.
Btw, when change is wanted then resiliency only comes into play when obstacles and problems arise. Not everything goes as planned and the ability to adapt is essential to ultimate success.